Before I continue with this list, let me apologise to the male-folk. This particular post is to women who are inspiring other people - it is not meant to be feminist or 'girl power-ish', I only thought of these women and decided to talk about them. Thanks for understanding (*wink*).
3. CeCe Winans (Singer, Author, Presenter): I think about her and I am amazed at how a well-developed skill can cut across borders and boundaries. The effect of the combination of her voice and her spirit is so powerful, that you have to listen to her song, even if you don’t want to. Her gift has taken her from the podiums of Grammy Awards, to the almighty White House, and boy, she is stylish! She’s got a smashing figure for a mother of twenty-something-years, but always manages to be modest. Her smile and her face are both pretty (sometimes I just can’t help staring at her photograph). She is deep, she is beautiful.
4. Joyce Meyer (Preacher, Author, and Host of Enjoying Everyday Life): To use the words of other people, her institution is the largest faith-based organization to be run by a woman, so far, in the world. She constantly speaks of how to overcome difficult challenges in life, as she overcame her own experiences of sexual and substance abuse. She encourages that we should have a good relationship with other people, and most especially, with ourselves (Check out her book – Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes). She did not allow her personal weaknesses and the negativities of her past to overcome her. Instead, she turned them into major strengths that have become pointers for other people. Isn’t she beautiful?
5. Abike Dabiri-Erewa, Hon. (Journalist, Politician): I am speechless when I think of her. Even as I write this, I am short of words. She is emotional, and peaceful, yet she manages to be firm, hardworking and courageous. She’s not only made a name for herself both in Nigeria and outside the borders of Africa, she has earned the respect of men and women alike. I once attended a conference during which she shortly mentioned her movement from NTA to politics. I remember her words “They were confident I could do it …[so] I attended ward meetings and got involved with the people…” From the 8 year old investigation of Mary, the miracle baby (do you remember?), to the sponsorship of Nigerian Infant Health Welfare Bill (the bill that ensured that every child 5 years and below gets free healthcare services), our honorable senator has proven that depth, strength, valor and compassion are the beauty of a woman that years cannot wrinkle .
If there are women who inspire you, why not make your own list and share with me.
Beautiful People 1
I was once asked to mention something or someone I think is beautiful and give reasons why. I realized that pin-pointing one person as beautiful is quite a difficult task; particularly in our world where you won’t feature in a celeb magazine, if you don't have a slamming body (either by work-out or plastic surgery) and wrap luxury brands like Gucci or Prada round it . You may make it into the popular event-publicizing publications if you wear enough make-up, eye-popping jewelry or at least an odd-looking piece of fashion item that you call unique. I smile when I think of how that word unique has lost its true meaning (which is - special, distinct or one of its kind). If we honestly examine the people around us, we will see that every individual is special and different from others; it’s just that we have allowed our experiences, our thoughts and the opinions of others to determine how much value we place on ourselves. I thought of women who have changed the lives of countless others and I came up with the names of five my favorite women and why I think they should be in the league called ‘Beautiful’. Please note that this list has no specific order. Enjoy!
1. Kari Jobe (Singer):
If you’ve ever enjoyed the music experience of Darlene Zchech, then you’ll love Kari Jobe, except that she adds a bit of rock to some of her songs. I love this statement in her website bio - "Young girls dream about becoming lawyers, fashion designers, nurses or mothers. Kari Jobe knew at 10 that she would be a [singer...]” By the time she left grad school, she was doing just that. Ask a fresh graduate about his/her plans for the future; you’ll not get a reply that talks about affecting lives with one’s gifts and abilities. Even the regular upcoming professional thinks of the future in terms of financial or statutory rewards. Anytime I remember Kari, I usually ask myself one of these two questions: ‘I am following my heart in the decisions I make?’ ‘Am I doing what I know I should do with my life?’
2. Dotun Arifalo (Pastor, Author, and Founder - God’s Leading Ladies Worldwide): I heard about her as a fresher back then at the Obafemi Awolowo University. Even as an undergraduate, she was an icon feminine strength and role model to people of her faith. Smart, pretty, disciplined, spiritual, she has such an overwhelming zeal to help people. Her passion is contagious and she is inspiring, as no one I gave her book or CD said less than “Wow!” I think a beautiful woman should have some of these qualities at least.
1. Kari Jobe (Singer):
If you’ve ever enjoyed the music experience of Darlene Zchech, then you’ll love Kari Jobe, except that she adds a bit of rock to some of her songs. I love this statement in her website bio - "Young girls dream about becoming lawyers, fashion designers, nurses or mothers. Kari Jobe knew at 10 that she would be a [singer...]” By the time she left grad school, she was doing just that. Ask a fresh graduate about his/her plans for the future; you’ll not get a reply that talks about affecting lives with one’s gifts and abilities. Even the regular upcoming professional thinks of the future in terms of financial or statutory rewards. Anytime I remember Kari, I usually ask myself one of these two questions: ‘I am following my heart in the decisions I make?’ ‘Am I doing what I know I should do with my life?’
2. Dotun Arifalo (Pastor, Author, and Founder - God’s Leading Ladies Worldwide): I heard about her as a fresher back then at the Obafemi Awolowo University. Even as an undergraduate, she was an icon feminine strength and role model to people of her faith. Smart, pretty, disciplined, spiritual, she has such an overwhelming zeal to help people. Her passion is contagious and she is inspiring, as no one I gave her book or CD said less than “Wow!” I think a beautiful woman should have some of these qualities at least.
I’m Strong, You Are Weak --There's Nothing You Can Co About it!
Whether sexual, verbal, emotional or physical, there has never been a logical reason or a progressive motive for abuse. The world has taken a different form from what it used to be centuries ago. Although there were reported cases of maltreatment and detrimental use of power, there has not been a time in history where people were as vulnerable to their fellow human beings, as they are today. Worst still, abusers are getting more creative. Yes, creative. How else can you explain the insatiable thirst for something you cannot have either due to lack of resources or by the simple dictates of nature? Somewhere not so far from where you are right now, someone is at the receiving end of the misuse of power entrusted in those who are meant to protect, guide or help them. A man just decided that the best way to prove his manhood is to beat his wife into submission; a parent is neglecting the needs and desires of the children and enforcing his/her own and the child is going to have to pay for that decision in a few years; a boss is getting bonuses for a project he didn’t do any work for (mental or physical); a student is getting an ‘F’ for refusing a lecturers advances.
“All power tends to corrupt, [but] absolute power corrupts absolutely.” There, the famous words of Acton, the British historian. Power speaks of control and influence, but we sometimes forget that it also means a higher capacity and strength – being better than someone in something. I remember a scene in the series, Heroes. At her brother’s funeral, Chloe stood up to her grandmother and said “I’m supposed to look up to my elders, but I can’t believe a word you say!” All around the world, a person is expected to esteem or revere those who are ahead of him either in age, position or accomplishments; I maintain that this is non-negotiable. However, if we take a holistic look at the society, social stratifications seem to point out that positions of authority exist for the purpose of order, direction and justice, targeted at the long term good of the group or organization, and those who are being led. For example, a child who constantly refuses to listen to the advice of his/her parent is probably writing a suicide letter. Why? The mother or father knows more than the child does, either from personal experiences or by just observing of those of others.
On the other hand, there have been cases of young children making costly mistakes by just doing what they are told. This is not to give adults or leaders a bad name (as I am one myself), the question leaders should be asking themselves is why they are giving the kind of advice they give. Although a person’s paradigm is sharpened by experience, and proves that there is no such thing as a perfect person, do we assist those we are meant to help to make informed choices or we just do what we think? This same question of power comes to play in sexual abuse, which is the most common and accepted form of abuse. Although feminists fight for equality and precise gender balance, we all know that the social reality is quite different, as the only means of precise and accurate measurement in life exist in ‘orthodox or sensu-stricto science’ (Thanks to Peter Macinnis, Australian science writer, for this definition). As I always say, human beings are not mathematics. If they are, how come you plan a party for hundred people and you don’t have exactly hundred guests? You will have more or a little less. How about if you stand in front of a queue and say something to the first person; only to hear from the last person and find something different from what you said (or even the exact opposite!) Women are being sexually abused by the men who mother-nature placed in the society to protect them. The physical strength, the deep sense of logic and the ego that men posses weren’t put in them so they can take advantage of, or intimidate the women around them. According to rainn.org, approximately 73% of rape victims know their assaulters; about 10% of them are cases of incest!
It’s not just men that should get the flaks for sexual abuse, women should get some too. Although I’m one of those who advocate that no woman deserves or ‘asks’ for rape, I believe that a woman should never use her intuition, relational strength or her keen capacity to be sensitive to “pull a man down”. Believe it or not, 1 out of 33 men have been sexually assaulted! I know this may sound unbelievable, but I personally know a guy that was raped! Even if we refuse to admit it, it remains true that the chances of maltreatment, hurt and abuse is on the increase. Nonetheless, we can stop this expanding cycle by doing one simple thing – questioning our motives. You may not be in a position of authority, but you have people within your circle of influence. The worst of crimes can be committed with the purest of motives. We all have powers of some sort, how are we using it?
Life
a race with a pace.
Life is a phase,
a face;
a place, someplace, no place?
Life is a day -
day without a night.
You just keep living,
Until the lender comes
To demand a return
For the loan
The loan you owe
And own?
Life is a bay,
a bay of raging storms.
Life is a longing,
longing for peace,
for pleasure and for happiness,
The wounded long for well-ness
And the broken for wholeness.
The battered, the jarred and the torn -
all worn,
The loner, the hungry and the wicked cluster
Together
On that one small beach
For something beyond their reach
Life is a risk,
a risk with hopes,
Held with thin ropes.
Life is a sea,
for all you can see
Is the turbulence
The opulence,
Hidden for those who can whisk
and risk.
There comes the day again
that you have to count your gain.
The gain, the aim, the pay
Will be that one last sigh
and satiety
That all has been done
That should be
With all that came your way
How In The World...?
I thought I knew where I was headed
Until the road parted into two
I thought I knew how to, and how not to
Until I got to this stop-
No sign-boards, no pointing arrows
Just plain dry sand.
The fog is heavy, the sky is gloomy
No sun, just tiny particles of dust
Covering almost every object
Muddled, hazy
It seems I’m in a maze
How in the world did I get here?
My map lies beside me
But it isn’t clear
Is it the way I turned it, or the way I read it
I don’t even know
The rain is threatening,
I don't know what next,
I just want to leave this place!
Until the road parted into two
I thought I knew how to, and how not to
Until I got to this stop-
No sign-boards, no pointing arrows
Just plain dry sand.
The fog is heavy, the sky is gloomy
No sun, just tiny particles of dust
Covering almost every object
Muddled, hazy
It seems I’m in a maze
How in the world did I get here?
My map lies beside me
But it isn’t clear
Is it the way I turned it, or the way I read it
I don’t even know
The rain is threatening,
I don't know what next,
I just want to leave this place!
Dear Worried Girl,
I can imagine your hurt right now. It’s hard to really be happy when you feel you are not getting the good things of life that you really deserve. I agree with you that your friends are over-emphasizing their achievements and giving you the flaks; like Madea says, life happens.
This is the first thing you should know, you shouldn’t allow people to determine the way you feel about yourself. Absolutely no! Your friends may be riding the best cars or having vacations on the moon but you don’t know what they are going through when no one is there. You don’t know if their husbands are cheating on them (with their knowledge!), you don’t know if they’ve had to see psychologist or you don’t know if they have to take medications everyday to keep sane. All you see is what they have that you don’t have, and it will keep eating you up until you decide to accept who you are and where you are today. That’s the only way you can determine a better tomorrow.
You also have to prioritise, that is decide what truly matters in life. What are the things that really matter to you? What do you really want from your life? Have you spoken with a trusted counsellor, pastor or a (wise) older person about it? Set your own goals, (not based on our society’s image of success – let it be what you really want) and do some soul-searching. You might find out that the reason you don’t have what they seem to have (like a good marriage) may be because you are looking in the wrong places or you don’t love yourself enough to believe you can attract the suitable kind of man. As for a job, what kind of job do you want? Define it. And believe me; you can get job satisfaction with good pay. You might also need to talk to someone who has advanced in that career and you’ll find out that it’s easier than you think to get a better job.
As for your friends, it might be better for you to use your discretion on how often and how closely you relate. If they are such good friends they should be thinking of how you can get better, and not flashing their stuff in your face. Right now you need to believe in yourself, what you have to offer a man and what you have to offer the whole world at large. Bad feelings won’t do you any good, they will only make things worse. If you want to get better, start thinking about how you can move forward. Hang around people who won’t put you down. Nobody will strive to make you happy – it’s something you have to do one your own.
I also agree with the person that said you need to let God help you. He knows much more than you do in this matter and HE is willing to let you in on it.
Kind regards,
Iyinoluwa Balogun
This is the first thing you should know, you shouldn’t allow people to determine the way you feel about yourself. Absolutely no! Your friends may be riding the best cars or having vacations on the moon but you don’t know what they are going through when no one is there. You don’t know if their husbands are cheating on them (with their knowledge!), you don’t know if they’ve had to see psychologist or you don’t know if they have to take medications everyday to keep sane. All you see is what they have that you don’t have, and it will keep eating you up until you decide to accept who you are and where you are today. That’s the only way you can determine a better tomorrow.
You also have to prioritise, that is decide what truly matters in life. What are the things that really matter to you? What do you really want from your life? Have you spoken with a trusted counsellor, pastor or a (wise) older person about it? Set your own goals, (not based on our society’s image of success – let it be what you really want) and do some soul-searching. You might find out that the reason you don’t have what they seem to have (like a good marriage) may be because you are looking in the wrong places or you don’t love yourself enough to believe you can attract the suitable kind of man. As for a job, what kind of job do you want? Define it. And believe me; you can get job satisfaction with good pay. You might also need to talk to someone who has advanced in that career and you’ll find out that it’s easier than you think to get a better job.
As for your friends, it might be better for you to use your discretion on how often and how closely you relate. If they are such good friends they should be thinking of how you can get better, and not flashing their stuff in your face. Right now you need to believe in yourself, what you have to offer a man and what you have to offer the whole world at large. Bad feelings won’t do you any good, they will only make things worse. If you want to get better, start thinking about how you can move forward. Hang around people who won’t put you down. Nobody will strive to make you happy – it’s something you have to do one your own.
I also agree with the person that said you need to let God help you. He knows much more than you do in this matter and HE is willing to let you in on it.
Kind regards,
Iyinoluwa Balogun
HEALING COMES, for Ayodeji Sunkanmi Adebola
Life’s challenges come in doses
Realities change as the heart awakens
Although it was roughened, toughened and broken
The heart,
Yes, the heart will definitely heal
Although the heart has been broken
Healing comes as each day goes by
A new life springs
After the old battered one has mourned
No one knows the beauty about to be seen,
Until the flower blooms.
The bud opens to such breath-taking beauty,
A joy to behold
The broken heart as well
After an experience of hurt and broken promises
It springs back to life with untold beauty
Intricacies to love and to be loved for
After an experience of hurt and broken promises
It springs back to life with untold beauty
Intricacies to love and to be loved for
Wisdom to teach and reach for
With each second, each hour,
Each day and year,
The heart,
Yes the heart definitely heals.
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