Not Yet Seen

The twenty-first century has seen many amazing scientific advancements, yet the Bible says that there are more mysteries, hidden by God before time, for our glory. While we eagerly wait to see heaven, scriptures say God has prepared superior solutions for our world; super-solutions that are yet to be accessed through the wisdom of God.

When the angel appeared to Mary, delivering news of the coming Savior through her womb, she was surprised. She had never heard that a woman could get pregnant without sleeping with a man --it refuted the laws of nature. This phenomenal conception did happen, and it remains the foundation of our faith today. Who knows the long-awaited solutions that God wants to bring to the world though the lives of women like you and me?

I often see women, especially young women, waiting for acknowledgement and support from the society before they attempt to do great things. Meanwhile, everything else points to the fact that God is waiting for them to stand up to their callings.  People like the first female British Prime Minister bring many controversies, however, she got her message across –that one’s life must matter, whether male or female; and that you may be the one to create a road for future generations to walk through. It seems to buttress the fact that God uses anyone that makes himself or herself available to Him. What He wants to see is the strength of our spirit and most importantly, our willingness to rely on His power.

The Bible is full of women who stood strongly to create change their generation. Standing strongly has nothing to do with temperament or personality traits because our place is in the spirit. Second Corinthians chapter ten verses four to six, explains that the power that will execute the plan of God on the earth cannot be found in the physical realm. Our fight as women is definitely not against men, just as our fight as Christians is not against non-Christians. We are coming against the demonic influences in our generation that want us to remain ordinary.

The Word of God empowers us to accomplish the unseen plans of God for the world. With the Word and the power of the Spirit, we become indomitable. The devil also has plans for the earth and he will stop at nothing, using men, women, youths and children to achieve his goal. God has great plans for the world, and He wants to use everything and everyone He has created, women inclusive, to bring these divine designs to reality. One way or the other, every human being is carrying out someone’s plans; God’s or the devil’s. Where do you stand? Will you let God use you to execute His extraordinary plans, which are not yet seen.

She is a Child!

The recent constitutional amendment protest bothers me. My concern is not about the protests in themselves, but in the cause of this and many past democratic objections –an unconstitutional amendment of a constitutional amendment. Although there is a little confusion as regards the cause of the resistance, it is clear that Nigerians are starting to take a stand for their welfare.  

The Constitution does not clearly support the marriage of minors; however, a certain clause seems to give some Islamic citizens a legal defense for the child marriage tradition. Anyone who has experienced a court hearing or a legislative debate knows that all a good speaker needs to win an argument, is a grey area or an ambiguous clause. The genesis of the chaos is a disturbing provisional section on Citizenship Renunciation. Our sacrosanct Constitution (like the Unionist used to say during my College days,) states in Section 29 (1) that:  

“Any citizen of Nigeria of full age who wishes to renounce his Nigerian citizenship shall make a declaration in the prescribed manner for the renunciation.”
Section 29 (4) states:
“For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section:
a. ‘full of age” means the age of eighteen years and above;
b. any woman who is married shall be deemed to be full of age.”  

The Constitutional Amendment Committee (kudos!) recommended that the Section 29:4b clause should be taken out, since it deemed to make the Constitution in support of child marriage. However, Senator Yerima (whose recent marriage to an Egyptian girl in her early teens caused a loud stir,) argued that the removal of (4b) would be against his interpretation of Islam. It was voted in by 60% of the Senators WE elected (directly or indirectly.)

In this situation, clause (4b) SEEMS to be in support of the girl-child, as it gives her the right to refuse the citizenship of her husband. It seems to say that she may choose to identify with her country of origin alone. For example, it means that Senator Yerima’s girl-wife can refuse to be a Nigerian. However, it also SEEMS to allow the existence of marriage of to a minor. Since Sharia, (an Islamic Legal system that supposedly encourages child-marriage,) is allowed in Nigeria, –in cases where all parties involved are Muslims; it is hereby inferred that the Constitution permits child-marriage.  

This clause has several problems:
1. “Any woman who is married…” refers to any WOMAN, not any FEMALE. Is an underage FEMALE a woman?
2. Should any married female “…be deemed to be full of age” even when it is clear that she is in fact not “full of age”, but influenced by socio-cultural factors?
3. “Full of age means eighteen years and above”; in the first place, should a child be allowed to get married and treated as a full grown woman when she is not? 4. Most importantly, it negates the Child Rights Act of 2003, which states the minimum marriage age to be eighteen years.  

According to UNDP, 45% of girls in Northern Nigeria are married before their eighteenth birthday. Having sex with an underage is ‘statutory rape’ in Nigeria. If so, what does this call the men that marry these young girls? I am of the opinion that a person under the age of eighteen should not be allowed to get married, even if the parents agree. I believe that most people from all religions share this opinion, including Muslims. Did you take a listen to the statement of the eleven-year-old Yemeni girl, who escaped from an arranged marriage three weeks ago?

The refusal to remove the problematic clause somehow bestows an adult status (and responsibility) on a married child, a mere child. It also tends to support child-marriage, which is usually forced; and this, is what Nigerians are fighting. Adulthood is a status that requires a high-level social and emotional responsibility, and we should not impose it on a child because she is physiologically ready to get married. The Senate should fight for child education, and not child ‘adultification’. (Allow my coinage.)     

This uprising should stir us up as citizens, to be careful of what we do with our voice and our votes. (In subsequent posts, I would write about my experience as an electoral official during the last elections.) If there is a formal objection about this issue in your locality, please get involved. This is also a call to the men and women of good standing who have refused to participate in the political sectors of the nation. It is true that politics is full of dirty stuff and dirty people, but leaving the scene only gives room for the corruption to continue. If a place is dirty, someone has to do the cleaning! There is a lot we need to do, but we should do our bit as individuals because together, WE make the government. You can do your bit by sharing this! Please, share this post.

Matchmaking and You

I got an anonymous email from one of my readers, asking about matchmaking –if and how it can work. While some romantic matches bloom into outstandingly loving relationships, some become the biggest mistake of a person's life. What is the right way to find what we call ‘one’s true love’?

First, it is important to admit that logic and reasoning cannot explain the matters of the heart. Logic just does not do justice to the desire to spend one’s life with a particular person when there are other options (especially when these other options are easier and, maybe, more straightforward.) One thing is clear, however; there are no right and wrong ways to find the ‘right’ person. Matchmaking is simply a tool –it can turn out right, it can also be your worst nightmare.

The person you marry changes everything else in your life –for better or for worse. Friends and family may try to ‘hook’ you up with someone they think you can work things out. Some have your best interest at heart –they simply want to help you ‘get’ a partner. These gestures are good and should be appreciated. Unfortunately, some others have ulterior motives. I have met some people who make matches just to have ‘gloating rights’ i.e. to be able to take credit for the couple’s happiness. They want to be able to say, ‘You are married because I hooked you up with him or her’

I have also witnessed some seemly trustworthy figures try to influence another person’s marital decisions to promote their personal ambitions. If you find out that a matchmaker lied to you, deceived you or manipulate facts to get you into a relationship with someone, my guess is that you are in trouble. If the matchmaker keeps giving you reasons to marry their choice and not another, there are ulterior motives involved. Falling into these traps means you will always end up doing what they want, either consciously or unconsciously. If such a person can influence who you marry, he or she has influenced your life. You will find out years later that your spouse was just their tool – my guess also, is that they also influenced the partner. The result is that you will both be stuck, trying to make the marriage work. A mistake that was meant to end, continued.

I am not saying that matchmaking is manipulative. No, not at all. The decision about who to marry should be a product of what you know in your heart, and not anything else. Has  a friendship developed with this person or you are complete strangers? It is true that real friendship happens in marriage, but do you see the possibility of this person becoming your closest friend and confidante? Do you see yourself becoming all that you are meant to be with this person as your spouse?

When you are with the person, are you sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with him or her, or you are in the relationship only because you have already made a commitment? I am not referring to a butterfly-in-the-tummy experience; do you know in your heart that you belong, or you just want the relationship to work? Remember the saying, “Home is where the heart is.” When you are with this person, are you ‘at home’? Are you giving your heart and soul, or does he or she only has your body, mind and resources? Like King Solomon said, the way (love) between a man and a woman defies logic.

If you are a spiritual person, what is your spirit saying? A strong spirit-man knows to follow the leadings of the spirit instead of his head, his emotions his friends or family. A minister once shared a story about how he found out during his wedding reception that his beloved wife had a bet with her friends that she would marry him. This happened two years before, when he did not know she existed. He had his doubts about their relationship but he dismissed the bet, since they had both fallen in love with each other, at least he thought so. Fast forward by three years, he got a gun to kill his wife, and then himself. They were both frustrated. The only reason he did not commit the crime is that she left before he came back home.

Your decision to spend the rest of your life with someone is yours and yours alone. It does not matter whether you had ten dates or no date with the person, you know in your heart when you are with the right person. Do not let someone talk you into doing anything. You will only succeed in life by being true to yourself. Only one soul-searching question can answer this matchmaking question, ‘Are you being true to yourself by marrying this person?’ If you cannot honestly and wholeheartedly say, ‘Yes’, then the match is a big mistake.

The World's Most Powerful Women 2013, Hmm!

While many women are complaining about gender inequality and clamoring for women emancipation, several others are blazing trails and breaking new grounds. Forbes recently released the 2013 edition of its well-known list, ‘The World’s 100 Most Powerful Women’. Many recent newcomers made the list, but a number of the old-timers still gained ground.

According to Forbes’ Caroline Howard, these women have crossed socio-economic frontiers and defied cultural boundaries in business, lifestyle, media, non-governmental/not-for-profit, politics, technology, and of course, the billionaire world. Meeting the Forbes’ criteria of money, media and impact, they bring a fresh perspective to our society’s concept of power, influence and strength. For monetary strength, they were graded on company revenue and market cap (business), budget (NGOs), income (celebrities), net worth (billionaires), and country’s GDP (politicians). While some people argue that the Power Women experienced success because the societies they live in created opportunities for such growth, I beg to disagree.

Liberian President, 2011 Nobel Laureate winner, and number 87 on the Forbes Power Women List, Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf made her way through, in a continent perceived to be male-dominated. With formal employment rate of 15%, and 85% of its population still living below the international poverty threshold of $1.25 per day; Liberia, though one of the poorest countries in the world, grows slowly but steadily under a woman. Also from Africa is former UN Staff Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Nigerian Minister of Finance who stands at number 83, for the 6.5% increase experienced in Nigeria’s GDP. It is a similar story with the other female Heads of Government on the list. Brazil’s Dilma Rousseff, Number 2 on the Forbes’ List, governs the seventh-largest national economy in the world, and attempts to return the country to its former glory. It can be recalled that Brazil’s notable economic explosion of the 1990’s experienced a decline in the early 2000’s. Her tenure has encouraged entrepreneurship, which has the potential to boost the nation’s financial growth.

America’s Hillary Clinton is at number 5. If you think she made the list solely because she is married to the former United States President, think again. She is not just a brilliant senator; she is a record-breaker, a first in many grounds. Anyone who has read Bill Clinton’s biography, ‘My Life’, knows that she cleverly ensured her husband’s political success, especially during the (ahem,) Monica Lewinsky scandal. Mr. Clinton firmly believes that the difference between his success in politics and his wife’s is exposure. She proves that success does not necessarily come through the person you marry; who you are is most paramount.

The last sentence also alludes to world’s beloved Melinda Gates, who stands at number 3. I have taken part in projects funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation; as a result, my respect for the Microsoft couple remains. Ask directors of health-focused non-profits in Africa, and they will tell you how the foundation has given enormous financial aid to improve healthcare in developing countries. If you, or a person you know, has received polio vaccinations or visited a nationally recognized family planning clinic in Africa, there is a high chance that you have benefited from their foundation.

Thirty-one years old celebrity, Beyoncé Knowles, stays on the list with high figures from her fashion business, House of Dereon. (One would think she made more money from music.) Fashion designers and business owners, Miuccia Prada and Diane von Furstenberg, of luxury brands Prada and Diane Von Furstenberg respectively, also made the list. In media are women like the President of Disney/ABC Television Group, Anne Sweeney; Executive Editor of New York Times Co., Jill Abramson, and the Senior Vice President of Google, Susan Wojcicki.

Although there are (possibly), a larger number of uncelebrated females wading through and winning in troubled waters, this Forbes list stands as an example of the winner that every woman can become. Surrounded by economic breakdown, and long-standing socio-cultural prejudices, women are finding the grits to push for change. What is your industry? What is your excuse?

Daddy Issues: When an Adult Still Needs to Grow Up

Credit: Ken & Lola Nkwocha's Library

‘Inside every woman is a little girl, and inside every man is a little boy,’ so the saying goes. We have to agree that this statement is true, but to what extent? A woman refuses to trust men because her dad left home and never returned, or a man who does not want to have anything to do with his law degree because his father forced him to study it, would you blame them? How far should childhood experiences determine the course of our adult lives?

Personal experiences color our perceptions of life. Consequently, we make decisions based on our experiences. In elementary school, we learn to read and write. This is not only an educational experience, it is a good and necessary experience because as we progress to in life, we put this knowledge of reading and writing to profitable use, in one way or the other. But what about bad experiences, what do we do with them? Generally, we put them to use as well, and this is where problem begins.

I remember my childhood friend. His dad advised him that when he gets married, he should be secretive with his income. His wife should not know how much he earns. According to his father, the woman will make him spend all his money on her alone, as his wife (the boy’s mum) tries to do. Then, I asked him a question, “Does your mum know your dad’s income?” You know the answer. This experience has triggered distrust for women’s financial responsibility in him, though he is a well-meaning and kind-hearted person.

There are also men and women who refuse to do certain things because they were forced by their parents to do these things as kids. People with domineering parents usually do not want to walk in their parent’s steps --no matter how good they are. They do not want to re-experience the feelings of subjugation and repression. (You may want to see an earlier post: I’m Strong, You are Weak –There’s Nothing You Can Do about It!) These types of children want to live their own dreams without shrinking or shrivelling under a power-drunk authority figure. Sometimes, they become rebellious and overtly independent. I believe it is good to be independent, but it becomes a problem when a person thinks he or she can achieve goals without the help of anyone at all.

It is the opposite for children who were constantly dotted on. In their case, their parents spoiled them rotten, giving them everything they wanted without teaching the importance of self-discipline and contentment. As adults, they want re-enactments of those experiences from their loved ones. Their friends become debtors who owe them attention, and their spouses must be Dr. Fix-It. They believe it is other people’s responsibility to make them happy, looking to everyone and anyone for everything; when in fact, they need to search    one place --inside themselves.

Everyone has a past –good, bad, ugly, wonderful; but I believe that the past should remain what it is: past. Many people have made excuses, shameful excuses if I may, out of family challenges. In the process of running from, (or sometimes running to,) the same issues, they remain within the boundaries of their past. Like I always say, “You may not be able to determine what other people do to you, but you can determine what you do to yourself.” No matter how great our parents are, they have their flaws. If we let these flaws determine the course of our lives, the result will be our fault. Many people have daddy issues but when your daddy’s (or mummy’s) problem becomes your problem, then, you have a problem.

Our ability to move beyond the limits of our experiences, and embrace the possibility of a better life is what will determine whether we become what we have the potential to become, or merely become what was made of us. Either way, it is not our parents’ fault. My advice to every man or woman with daddy issues is this: throw your feeding bottle away and get a spoon; better still, cook your own food!

How to Look Attractive

I was invited to a party when I was a teenager. Aside the fact that I was not a party person (I am still not;) I did not really have party outfits, so I decided not to attend parties altogether. However, this decision was short-lived, as my family had friends and neighbors who always seem to have occasions for celebration and not going to some of those parties could be rude. I knew I had to do something my boring wardrobe. That is when I got interested in fashion.  

I started to ask questions. I learnt how to do make-up, and how to use a sowing machine to work on ready-made clothes. I also worked with a fashion designer for a few weeks. I started designing my own clothes and gradually, my looks changed; it still keeps evolving. These days, I get questions about fashion –how to look a particular way, how to combine fabrics and colors, how to walk in a particular way etc.  So, in this post, I will answer the root of some of those questions; which is boils down to 'How do I Look Attractive?'  
An attractive look is not cut in stone; when you see it, you just know it is attractive. The first rule in the book is carriage.  How do you carry yourself? How do you see yourself?  Looking good goes beyond your dress size, this does not mean you should be satisfied with excess body fat. (To make sure your weight is  right, you can check your Body Mass Index here.) When it comes to your body, it is not really about what people say about you, what matters is what YOU think. What you tell others about yourself is quite irrelevant, except your body says the same.  

Ladies, ask the men and they will tell you that they would notice, quite easily, a woman who feels comfortable in her own skin. The same applies to the men. At this point, the lyrics of a song come to mind. It says, "I like my skirts to my ankles, my shirt up to my neck. Sexy is an attitude, and not a state of undress." Good self-esteem is like a magnet; it attracts easily.  
Next, you may need to work on your skin. Because the skin is a very delicate organ, you should pay some extra attention to it. Don’t take care of your skin any less than you care for your clothes, because your skin is your first and most noticed outfit –you wear it every day! If it looks good, you will look good; but if a person’s skin has noticeable blemishes, his or her looks may not be on point, no matter how good the clothes or accessories are. There are simple tips you can work with, like cleaning your face before going to bed,  eating right, as well as knowing your skin type and taking care of it accordingly. I will write more about this in subsequent posts but if you think your skin needs special attention, you may need to see a professional.  

Another thing you need to consider is your body type. Can you honestly say that you like your features? Many people want to look, dress and act like somebody they know. Try as much as you can, you can never, ever, look exactly like somebody else; this is nothing but the truth. Some folks will look much better if their clothes suit their shape. Identify your physiological features and work around it. No person has the perfect body, as there will be a flaw here and some spots there. What fashion does is to help you hide the flaws and project the attractive parts.  

Finally, buy right. Do not just buy clothes because they look good on display. Bear in mind that what you see on models may not always suit you. The fashion items you see in pictures are always tweaked.  While most models and mannequins have hour-glass shape, not many women do. This means that you have to choose outfits based on your shape. If you are a man with a slim, sleek body, try to avoid very baggy clothes. If you are plus-sized, bold patterns and prints may not be your best choice. Know your dress size and buy the correct fit! To find out your clothes size for most designers, just click this link.

What is your body type? Find out and dress it well.

Learning to Be at Peace with Yourself

No human being likes to be ignored. Bonuses, prizes, award and medals are symbols of success and everyone wants them. However, only a few people seem to stand out, and when they do, they become demigods. They receive accolades and praises while the rest of the crowds feel disregarded and unloved. What then is the measure of true success? Is it possible to be truly happy without eulogies from people around? What really brings peace of mind?

The best thing that ever happened to my self-esteem is when I heard these words in my spirit, "Do not define yourself by your title, position or the people you know." In the quest to be loved and respected, most people have made enormous sacrifices which have led to greater losses. Many would do anything to have and keep having money, power and fame. Somewhere in the world right now, someone is making a costly mistake just to feel loved –a woman accepts maltreatment because she wants to keep her man; an employee changes figures to make more money; and a government official goes to great lengths to make sure he remains in power. Admiration makes you feel good, but at what cost?

Can power bring peace? Ask Cuban revolution leader, Fidel Castro or check the life of Adolf Hitler. No need to mention well-loved celebrities and pop stars who died in pitiable situations. Money alone cannot bring happiness because you constantly have to think about how to keep it –and that, dear reader, is enough stress. History is yet to record someone who became truly happy by solely pursuing money, power or fame. The things that really matter in life cannot be bought, loaned or borrowed; like happiness and peace –it’s either you have them or you don’t.

A bitter or unhappy person is quite difficult to get along with, either as a partner, colleague, or friend. Those who love them have to make conscious and consistent efforts to keep them happy. It does not take long to find out that the source of bitterness can be dealt with, but these unhappy people do not have the courage or will-power to do so. Joy cannot stay in this kind of environment because it does not have roots there.

When someone pays you a compliment for something you have done, you feel good; but if the same person says something negative to you shortly after, bad feelings set in immediately. This means that the elation we feel when we are recognized or appreciated can be deceivingly temporary. Therefore, we must never define ourselves by the things we have or do not have; neither should our identity be in the people we know.

You can be at peace with yourself, regardless of external circumstances you find yourself. This is because good feelings only come from inside out.  A person who loves you may turn his or her affection to someone else, and a stream of income can dry up. Fans and supporters will go after a while, and in the end, the only person who will stick with you, is you! What will you do then, if you do not like your eyes and nose?

Fortunately, you can be happy with where you are in life even though you have bigger plans. You may find yourself in unwanted situations but a deep-seated knowledge that God will make everything turn out right in the end will put strength in you. Take pleasure in who you are and where you are going by truly and deeply enjoying your life. Remember that you have just one life to live, there’s no spare!

Lead (A Poem)

Here's a poem on what to do when you see something that isn't right.  Its really inspiring.

Lead.
You hear it; it bothers you
Lead.
You wake up; you feel it; it enrages you 
Lead.

You'll rather create it; than worry
I'll rather pioneer it; than agitate 
About what tomorrow could be; invent it.
Lead.

Tolulope Morayo (Olugboji)

The Empowered Life: Review

Many people question the possibility of a life void of stress and hard labour. 'It exists!', so says Dr. Kayode Ijisesan in his new book titled The Empowered Life. This 243-paged work currently serves as my next-level textbook.

We live in a world where everyone has to work extremely hard to make headway in life. Long work hours, rivalry and competition, and high-risk business ventures are commonplace; yet only very few people get the chance to live a full, healthy and rounded life. Even so, such life isn't without costly personal sacrifices. The good news is that there is a kind of lifestyle that facilitates all-round growth and development without stress, hardship or painstaking labour. It is referred to as a lifestyle of the Blessing.

The Blessing is described as the ability or enablement to produce prosperity, success and power; a spiritual force or substance that propels someone to get high-level results in life. Dr. Kay. says the Blessing is like an invisible bank-account that has everything a person needs to live well --riches, health, goodwill from others, wisdom, creativity, you name it. It was given to man by God, but when man lost it, he began to experience stress and toil (i.e. the curse which is the opposite of the Blessing.) This explains why humans have had to struggle in one way or the other to get most of the good things of life.

In spite of mankind's failure to secure this propelling force called the Blessing, a new way has been created to recover the great loss. The Empowered Life explains this new way of recovery in great detail. It shows how God recreated a pathway for the Blessing-flow by forming a pact with man in which He (God) stands as the senior partner. It explains why the wrong mind-set can reduce the efficacy of the Blessing in our lives. Attitudes like strife, rivalry and weak character can compromise the effect of the Blessing and make a person get little returns even though he or she is working harder than others. The book also explains how these wrong attitudes can be corrected.

"Wrong attitudes or habits can form over time due to negative information and association. Such brainwash of the mind can be prevented or dealt with by the knowledge of the truth." 

page 113-114

The pact (or covenant) that God made with mankind demands very simple things. It requires that man should make certain lifestyle adjustments like serving faithfully, living a lifestyle of love and giving honour when it’s due. If these simple changes can become habits, a person would have successfully created the right atmosphere for the Blessing to do its work. 

The expression or manifestation of the of the force of the Blessing is individual in nature, thus, the experience of this empowering substance is personal; varying from person to person based on how much they are committed to apply these lifestyle changes. The Empowered Life is truly a manual for a stress-free life, just like God designed our lives to be.

Thou Shalt Get A Life!

There is nothing as attractive as a person with clean fitting clothes, well groomed hair, good shoes and etiquettes. Good looks is attractive; so is a good life. Life should be maximized --you know, lived to the best.

Some people act like they have a spare life hidden somewhere. Years have come and gone and I get more convinced that everyone should live as if they have only one life because in reality, they have just ONE (singular and irreplaceable) life! I recently started something for the unmarried people in my environment. If there's anything I believe they should know, it is the fact that they should get a life and not wait till they are married.

Eccl 3:5-8

5 The living at least know they will die, but the dead know nothing. They have no further reward, nor are they remembered. 6 Whatever they did in their lifetime—loving, hating, envying—is all long gone. They no longer play a part in anything here on earth. 7 So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this! 8 Wear fine clothes, with a splash of cologne! (NLT)

When God made man, the first thing He (God) did was to bless him. He said 'Be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth and have dominion..." Did you notice that all the words in the pronouncement are action words? When God empowers a person, He is giving the person a divine ability to accomplish certain tasks. The specifics of what to to might differ from person to person, but the Blessing remains an empowerment to DO something. The question you should ask yourself is if you are adding value to the society at this time of your life.

I have seen many people get frustrated in life. Many times, it's because they are not involved in something worthwhile. Idleness is bad for a married person, its much worse if you are single. It's like trying to catch someone who is falling when you are not standing properly yourself. Although it sounds too serious, 'Thou shalt get a Life' is an important 'commandment' to everyone who desires to be more than being a part of the fickle human cycle of life and death.

Many people are waiting to live the life of their dreams when they can start creating it. Our world has grown so much that it is possible to do something you love to do; as long as you desire to do it. It amazes me that many people want to be seen as wise and successful, yet they ignore the subtle nudges of their heart. They get an urge to encourage somebody, a nudge to pray, an inclination to go into a particular field of work, a desire to get close to someone or a feeling to volunteer in an organization, but they ignore it. Every time we override an innate desire to carry out certain tasks, we are overriding who we really are.

Getting  a life goes beyond being good at your job or succeeding business. It also means you should live the life you want, starting today. So I'd say to the ladies, get that degree if you really want it; buy that gadget if you can afford it.  If you like traveling --babe, GO ON VA-CA-TION! Guys, eat at that restaurant you've always wanted (even if it means going alone!). Just get going with yourself and live the life of your dreams. 

Thou must get a life today!

What I'll Tell My Daugther

I once asked God to show me His thoughts about women and their role in His plan for the world. His answer was concise  He said "Know we no man after the flesh!" Through the course of history, especially  in biblical documentations, God has skipped prevalent social norms to use people that aren't expected to be seen in the front-line.  Folks like Gideon, David, Deborah and Mary (mother of Jesus) stood firmly with God to bring His plan to manifestation in their generation regardless of societal expectations. Although the 21st century has experienced immense growth in it's several humanitarian endeavors, some aspects of our society have still needs improvement. One of such is the question if women should lead in certain circles.

Consequently, from now on we estimate and regard no one from a [purely] human point of view [in terms of natural standards of value]. [No] even though we once did estimate Christ from a human viewpoint and as a man, yet now [we have such knowledge of Him that] we know Him no longer [in terms of the flesh].

(Amplified)

Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore.

(Message Translation)

2 Corinthians 5:16

Every time you analyse a person by his or her appearance, social standing, marital status or age, you just did something in the flesh, even if its what the society demands. No minister will say spirit-woman or spirit-girl --it is outrightly not scriptural. When  God sees humans, He is looking at their spirit. He is not seeing man or  woman, rather He asking "Who shall I send?" 

In many societies, a married woman stands a better chance in ministry and leadership than a single lady. However if you find yourself with visions and a peculiar grace  as a single person, should you look for a husband first? God's delight is in a believer that desires be used whether male or female, single or married. Scripture says God isn't a respecter of persons (Romans 2:11), so isn't the anointing. All through the Bible, God has manifested His power through people who have made themselves available to him.

The Word says marriage is honorable; I believe it is. The power of agreement is amazing in the midst of two believing friends; its even greater with marriage partners. So, should you desire to get married? Yes you should! Until you do, only one thing  matters in the unmarried phase of your life --your account to God about what He has deposited in you. People respect results, get the ones God has anointed you to get; don't wait till you are married before you are respected.

Male and female is complementary, not polarity. Many people think of men and women as word and opposite. This gender issue is not about polarity, its a question of purpose and function. Would you say a table is the opposite of a chair? Or is a pen the rival of paper?  Try seating on a table everyday, it wont take long to know why God gave man the inspiration to create a chair. Does it mean that a chair is of more importance than a table? Well, writers know better. Every man and every woman is valuable in the sight of God, each uniquely crafted for a  reason --no rivalry, no competition.

Greatness comes in different shapes and sizes, just as the world's greatest people come from different places. You dont' need to be male or female to be used to bless nations; God only uses those who are willing and available. He doesn't decide destiny by gender; He decides physical form only after planning what you will do for Him with your life. Don't bother about what the world expects you to do, find out what God wants you to do and go all the way with Him.

Who Brings Bad Times?

"When my heart is overwhelmed, take me to the rock that is higher than I"  
Psalm 62

I checked out the meaning of the word ‘overwhelm’. I wanted to know what the sentence was really saying. The word means to overpower, to bury beneath a mass of something such as floodwaters or an avalanche, to load or heap with an overpowering or excessive amount of anything.

It seemed to describe me; I was overwhelmed with pain. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I cried out to God one day. I threw a fist at him and said, “I’m too young to be in this situation, don’t leave me alone like this!” Almost immediately, I felt someone sit beside me on the bed I was lying on, in my room. I actually saw a small place in the mattress sink a little bit, only that there was no one actually sitting, at least no one I could see. Then I heard a whisper, the person was stroking my hair as these words were coming at me “Don’t worry, its going to be alright. Don’t worry, I am with you in this, and it will soon be over.”

I discovered later that I was battling with depression. Sometimes the causes are unknown, but for me I knew what led to it – the bulk of it was the unwillingness to let go. I had unpleasant experiences in my young life, and I was unwilling to forgive anyone, including God (I felt God had offended me too!).

God dealt with me later in life about unpleasant emotional events. He said to me one day, “The human soul was not created to carry pain or any negative emotion for that matter. It was created as a guide and a source of inspiration and direction. Whatever anyone does to you, you must deal with it and let it go.”

I realized that what happened to me then was a denouement, a climax of several events, including some that weren’t significant, but they were all still stuck in my memory. When it was over, I realized that the devil, who caused every of those events, decided to use it to torture me. And God wasn't watching me go through pain without doing anything about it; instead, He was holding me together, waiting for me to surrender all to Him.

Are you battling with pain, anger or bitterness? Or are you disillusioned with no one to trust. Hand over the feelings to God and watch Him take you to a place of love and liberty that you've never been . Don't let the devil win, you are a victor and not the victim he wants you to believe. Rise Today!

When I Almost Lost It

When we experience pain or hurt, our initial reaction is usually to try to find a way to get it out of our minds. We don’t want to remember it, so we try to numb the unpleasant feeling. I once read about a drunk who was asked why he is always drunk. He replied that it’s because he wants to forget his troubles. I thought that was rather foolish, as the troubles are still there when the effect of the alcohol has worn out. 

I have found out that the humane way out of trouble is to run from it. Unfortunately, the problem is still there after whatever we do.  I woke up one morning to realize that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be in life. I had done everything right or at least done most things right (as much as I could) but it seems there wasn’t much good in doing the right things.

I was born into a Christian family; both my parents were ministers so I grew up being the good girl in the neighborhood. No alcohol (even when I had several opportunities to drink it,) no having relationships that would compromise my values . I even cut off from my friends who had abortions – I remembered my father’s words, “Evil communication corrupts good manners.” I faced my studies, and only I got involved in extra-curricular activities that could help me intellectually.

All of a sudden, things began to fall apart. It was like everything I touched immediately turned to dust.  It seemed like I was failing at everything. Here was I, the same intelligent young girl whose test scripts were often photocopied by departmental colleagues to study for exams, now couldn’t even think straight.

I was angry at everyone, I was angry with God. I was gradually being buried with disappointments the same way an avalanche would bury a human being along its path. The more I thought about the various fiascos that led to my let-downs, the more I sunk into a deep and dark hollow, going for days without saying more than "hello" to anyone. I can remember an elderly man looking at me and saying “Iyinoluwa, you are confused. I seriously think so!”

I was felt really down and sad. Folks around me kept asking, “What’s wrong?” “You seem disoriented and disorganized, are you fine?” I gave the reply we always have handy “I’m fine.” Deep inside, I knew I wasn’t fine at all. I knew if I continued like that, I would not only become disillusioned about life, I probably would loose my mind. I was wondering what to do when someone shared this scripture with me: “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2)

(To be continued in the next post)