I’m Strong, You Are Weak --There's Nothing You Can Co About it!

Whether sexual, verbal, emotional or physical, there has never been a logical reason or a progressive motive for abuse. The world has taken a different form from what it used to be centuries ago. Although there were reported cases of maltreatment and detrimental use of power, there has not been a time in history where people were as vulnerable to their fellow human beings, as they are today. Worst still, abusers are getting more creative. Yes, creative. How else can you explain the insatiable thirst for something you cannot have either due to lack of resources or by the simple dictates of nature? Somewhere not so far from where you are right now, someone is at the receiving end of the misuse of power entrusted in those who are meant to protect, guide or help them. A man just decided that the best way to prove his manhood is to beat his wife into submission; a parent is neglecting the needs and desires of the children and enforcing his/her own and the child is going to have to pay for that decision in a few years; a boss is getting bonuses for a project he didn’t do any work for (mental or physical); a student is getting an ‘F’ for refusing a lecturers advances.

“All power tends to corrupt, [but] absolute power corrupts absolutely.” There, the famous words of Acton, the British historian. Power speaks of control and influence, but we sometimes forget that it also means a higher capacity and strength – being better than someone in something. I remember a scene in the series, Heroes. At her brother’s funeral, Chloe stood up to her grandmother and said “I’m supposed to look up to my elders, but I can’t believe a word you say!” All around the world, a person is expected to esteem or revere those who are ahead of him either in age, position or accomplishments; I maintain that this is non-negotiable. However, if we take a holistic look at the society, social stratifications seem to point out that positions of authority exist for the purpose of order, direction and justice, targeted at the long term good of the group or organization, and those who are being led. For example, a child who constantly refuses to listen to the advice of his/her parent is probably writing a suicide letter. Why? The mother or father knows more than the child does, either from personal experiences or by just observing of those of others.

On the other hand, there have been cases of young children making costly mistakes by just doing what they are told. This is not to give adults or leaders a bad name (as I am one myself), the question leaders should be asking themselves is why they are giving the kind of advice they give. Although a person’s paradigm is sharpened by experience, and proves that there is no such thing as a perfect person, do we assist those we are meant to help to make informed choices or we just do what we think? This same question of power comes to play in sexual abuse, which is the most common and accepted form of abuse. Although feminists fight for equality and precise gender balance, we all know that the social reality is quite different, as the only means of precise and accurate measurement in life exist in ‘orthodox or sensu-stricto science’ (Thanks to Peter Macinnis, Australian science writer, for this definition). As I always say, human beings are not mathematics. If they are, how come you plan a party for hundred people and you don’t have exactly hundred guests? You will have more or a little less. How about if you stand in front of a queue and say something to the first person; only to hear from the last person and find something different from what you said (or even the exact opposite!) Women are being sexually abused by the men who mother-nature placed in the society to protect them. The physical strength, the deep sense of logic and the ego that men posses weren’t put in them so they can take advantage of, or intimidate the women around them. According to rainn.org, approximately 73% of rape victims know their assaulters; about 10% of them are cases of incest!

It’s not just men that should get the flaks for sexual abuse, women should get some too. Although I’m one of those who advocate that no woman deserves or ‘asks’ for rape, I believe that a woman should never use her intuition, relational strength or her keen capacity to be sensitive to “pull a man down”. Believe it or not, 1 out of 33 men have been sexually assaulted! I know this may sound unbelievable, but I personally know a guy that was raped! Even if we refuse to admit it, it remains true that the chances of maltreatment, hurt and abuse is on the increase. Nonetheless, we can stop this expanding cycle by doing one simple thing – questioning our motives. You may not be in a position of authority, but you have people within your circle of influence. The worst of crimes can be committed with the purest of motives. We all have powers of some sort, how are we using it?